Diabetes Late Nite Mystery Radio
Here’s part three of the script for Divabetic’s Diabetes Late Night Mystery Theater podcast starring Mr. Divabetic, Mama Rose Marie, Jennifer Martsolf from Trigg Laboratories, USA Today Best-Selling Author Tonya Kappes, author of the novel ‘GOOD LIKE THIS’ Peter Arpesella, Leisa Chester Weir, the Charlie’s Angels of Outreach (Neva White CDE, and Patricia Addie-Gentle RN, CDE) and Lorraine Brooks. Listen to the podcast for free on demand at divabetic.org, blog talk radio and/or i-Tunes. Enjoy:
NARRATOR: Well, I guess we need something to lighten up this situation…but there’s no lightening up the facts. Loretta is DEAD. She was stabbed, and Max was seen with a knife. But who had MOTIVE to kill Loretta? Who didn’t like her? Whose toes did she step on?? Let’s get back to the Studio and see where THIS is going!
TONYA: Do you think hiring Loretta was a mistake?
MAX: No, not at first but Loretta became irresponsible, Tonya. She only wanted money. Once lobbyists and pharmaceutical companies came calling. Boy oh Boy, the only color she saw was green. It was like nothing else mattered.
TONYA: What do you mean by that?
MAX: She didn’t care about safeguarding our community. Don’t get me wrong, every nonprofit needs money to survive but if you’re not careful about where you get your funding from you can lose your credibility.
TONYA: How do you feel about it, Patricia?
PATRICIA: I agree with Max. We shouldn’t be partnering with bogus products that make promises they can’t deliver. We’re here to help, not hurt people.
MAX: You know, it still bothers me that Luther Vandross had 50 people on the road supporting him with his music but when it came to managing his diabetes he did it alone. That was a huge mistake but Loretta’s idea of selling phony products to people who are desperately trying to manage their diabetes. Wow, that’s much worse.
TONYA: Did Loretta want more money than you could afford?
MAX: Yes, but she was willing to go after it. She actually found a sugar daddy who was ready and willing to put up a lot of money to be our sponsor
TONYA: Oh, what happened?
MAX: I pulled her aside and said, ‘no way.’ That’s probably why she talked our Board of Directors into getting rid of me. Behind my back.
TONYA: Can they do that?
MAX: That’s how a nonprofit works. Divabetic is a 501 c 3 nonprofit. Our board votes in our officers. I’m actually one of the officers so yes, I can be voted out at any time. Bye, bye.
TONYA: What was so wrong with this sponsor?
MAX: Honestly, everything. Seriously, they wanted to use Divabetic to promote a new herbal dietary supplement called ‘Cure Sugar Now’ Ridiculous. They claimed it cures diabetes! But we all checked it out. Patricia, Neva and I. Frankly, it’s a scam.
TONYA: I don’t get it. Loretta was potentially killed over a supplement? What’s the big deal?
NEVA: What’s the big deal? Supplements are everywhere. On magazine and television and they all promise miracles.
JENNIFER: Don’t they have to back up their claims with research?
PATRICIA: They do, Jennifer. These studies are funded by the same companies that sell the products. It’s insane. If you take the time to examine the actual research you’ll almost always find serious flaws
NEVA: Cure Sugar Now claims to be an “herbal” diabetes supplement. There’s no evidence to support an herbal cure for diabetes
TONYA: You two should tell the police about this. It might be helpful. Was Loretta aware of that?
JENNIFER: I bet she was too in love with her sugar daddy to care
TONYA: Well, what makes you say that, Jennifer?
JENNIFER: Loretta called me a few weeks ago. She was totally giddy. She sounded just like a teenager in love
TONYA: What did she say?
JENNIFER: She said she met her ‘dream’ guy. He was the answer to her prayers … except for a one problem
TONYA: Did she tell you what it was?
JENNIFER: How do I say this? Loretta admitted they were having trouble consummating their relationship. She thought maybe some of our products could help.
TONYA: What kind of products are we talking about?
JENNIFER: Well, as you know, I sell the Wet Brand of personal lubricants and trust me, not all lubricants are created equal especially for older women who haven’t been sexually active for a while.
MAX: Sounds like Loretta to me!
JENNIFER: Right, I was telling her that our product Wet Platinum is particularly effective for older women and people with diabetes and anyone with sensitive skin in general.
TONYA: Did she give you more details about this guy?
JENNIFER: She told me that he also has diabetes and he sometimes has a little trouble in the performance department.
MAX: Ohh, do tell!
JENNIFER: I told her that was common as men age and the onset is typically earlier in men with diabetes because diabetes can damage the blood vessels and nerves that control the erection.
TONYA: How about the pills that men take?
JENNIFER: That’s up to a doctor to prescribe but people with diabetes also tend to have problems with their heart and those medications may not be appropriate.
TONYA: So what did you tell her to do?
JENNIFER: It’s two problems that compound each other. She’s dry so he has trouble with penetration and that leads to anxiety for both which leads to more dryness and more trouble with the erection. I likened it to piercing a cantaloupe with a pipe cleaner. You can get it in there but you might have to twist and it could take all day.
TONYA: That’s a stunning visual.
Max: I’ll say!
JENNIFER: Then I told her that it was important to talk to her doctor about these issues because these are common issues and there are solutions. I also told her to invest in a good silicone lubricant because it’s much longer lasting than a typical drugstore lubricant.
TONYA: Which one?
JENNIFER: Wet Platinum doesn’t absorb into the skin and there is no water in it so it doesn’t evaporate. It also has a neutral pH so it doesn’t upset a woman’s natural pH. And it’s sugar-free! Sorry, I got carried away. Anyway, she seemed excited to try it with her new guy.
TONYA: Did anyone else know that Loretta was seeing someone?
NEVA: No, but I overheard her talking to a man on her speaker phone. They were yelling. Something about a check.
ROSE MARIE: Now, now. let’s calm down. Everyone’s got to be hungry. How about enjoying some of Arthur’s Mango Salsa and these low-fat chips? Anyone care for some tea? Neva, dear?
Narrator: All this talk about lubricants and sex. I lost my train of thought. While the Charlie’s Angels of Outreach and Mama Rose Marie are eating away on Arthur’s homemade Mango Salsa, Mr. Divabetic has his conscience eating away at HIM! If he doesn’t figure out who killed Loretta Goner before the police arrive it might be curtains for Divabetic!! Time running out, Max quickly decides he can’t get down, he needs to get a Diva to help, someone smart and sexy just like best-selling author Tonya Kappes!!
We can’t let Divabetic go
It’s too important to us all!
We have to find the murderer.
We can’t let Max take the fall!!!
MAX: Yikes, that’s my knife, alright. Oh, poor, Loretta. This is awful.
TONYA: There’s no signs of a fight. I’d say whoever killed Loretta knew what they were doing.
MAX: Gosh, the police will be here any minute. I’m done for. What am I going to do?
TONYA: Max, don’t! Touch anything
MAX: Why not? It’s just her purse?
TONYA: Her purse is evidence and now your fingerprints are all over it.
MAX: Oh, great. ow you tell me. There’s no harm now. Let’s see what Loretta had in here – there’s lipstick, keys, Kleenex and a ton of cold pills?
NEVA Let me take a look. I heard about this substance. A lot of women use it as a short-cut to weight loss without realizing the serious health consequences
TONYA: Aren’t over the counter drugs harmless?
NEVA: Not if you if you misuse them. This one increases blood pressure leading to heart disease and can cause anxiety as well as insomnia which is a pretty steep price to pay for weight loss
MAX: You two sound like you’re on an episode of CSI. Cut the medical jargon. And let’s look for clues.
TONYA: Max, the murder always had a motive. And it might not be that obvious. For example, in a lot of my books I include what’s called a red herring. That’s a clue that’s intended to be misleading or distracting.
MAX: I need that like I need a hole in my head. The deck’s already stacked against me, Tonya. I’m the only one with a motive. I was fired by Loretta!
NEVA: And the murder weapon is your knife, don’t forget
MAX: Look, look, look, look, I found a check from Cure Sugar Now. It’s made out to CASH for TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!
TONYA: $250,000 dollars. Let me see. This sure is a lot of money. Wait, isn’t Patricia from Atlanta?
MAX: Yes, why does that matter?
TONYA: This check is issued by a bank in Atlanta. Did Patricia owe anyone money? Or did she need money? For something?
Max: Hmmm. Wait– you’re brilliant, Tonya!!! Patricia told me that she wants to switch careers and open a big day care center and nursery school – that takes a lot of money.
TONYA: Sounds like your sweet Georgia peach is pretty sour because Patricia’s the only one who could cash a check for quarter of million dollars from a bank in Atlanta
Narrator: Unfortunately, our Diabetes Late Nite cast of characters are long on accusations but short on clues. While there’s no denying that Neva White and Loretta Goner did not get along, there’s no evidence to prove that Neva killed her. And Patricia Addie Gentle’s plan to opening a healthy active daycare center doesn’t warrant enough motive to make her a suspect. Which leaves only two more suspects for the murder of Loretta Goner – Mr. Divabetic and Mama Rose Marie?!!!!
Is Orange the new black for our happy healthcare host? (ORGAN) What about our sweet Mama Rose Marie? (ORGAN) Who, dear listeners, could be capable of such a horrible crime?* (ORGAN)
MAX: Good grief. Searching for clues is useless. We’re back to square one. Patricia’s alibi is airtight, Tonya. There’s no way Neva did it either.. You might as well cuff me.
TONYA: Not so fast. You’re not the only name left on our list. We got a few more things to figure out. Don’t get mad. But how well did Mama Rose Marie and Loretta get along, Neva?
NEVA: They were thick as thieves. They’ve been staying late taping a new show idea in the Studio.
MAX: Are you two for real? We’re grasping for straws everybody if you think my mom’s the killer. Cause if she is then guess what? The killer’s taking a nap in the green room while the rest of us traipse around looking for clues.
TONYA: Where would you keep those tapes?
MAX: They’d be stored in the Studio with all the other show tapes.
TONYA: I have a hunch they may give us a clue. Let’s go see
MAX: Go where? Back to the studio? Maybe we should wait for the police? Loretta’s still in there.
TONYA: Max, if we don’t figure this out before the police get here. You might end up behind bars.
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